I miss…

I miss texting him about my horrible day

I miss texting him about my awesome day

I miss informing him how my students surprised my

I miss talking to him

I miss holding his hand

I miss leaning on his shoulder

I miss burying my head into his chest

I miss him for giving me the sense of security

I miss doing the little things I’ve hated but he loved

I miss him….

….maybe I miss him only out of habit….

…maybe I miss him altogether…

…just maybe…




Even though my relationship experiences are not many, the ones I have can serve me quite enough. I’ve been dating this man with many wonderful features and characteristics. I even said to him, he’s quite a catch because he’s what many women look for. Let’s list what he has and how great it is.

He’s caring. He cares about you physical and psychological comfort. He buys you a pillow because it’s more comfortable to sleep on separate pillows than to share one. It doesn’t matter that your cervical vertebrae are in great discomfort and you fear a headache after every night spend there, it’s the thought that counts. He asks you whether you are happy with him. And don’t know how to answer….

He’s thoughtful. He brings you flowers to prove his love for you. He brings you the ones he is persuaded you like. Does it matter that he openly asked which flowers are of your taste? His directness might be surprising, but direct questions with direct answers are what he longs for.

He’s the tactile type. He touches your hair, your lips, kisses all of your body, hugs you, always has to touch you and from time to time you have a feeling that your guy just might be a reincarnated kitty. By these different touches he, again, proves how much he loves you.

He loves your body. He says you are perfect even if both of you know he is a terrible liar. And, sincerely, he just cannot lie. Nevertheless, he’s persuaded your body is almost what he wants, what he need, he caresses you, holds you in his arms to feel the warmth of you, to smell your body odour, to connect your body, your smell, your personality with the love he has for you.

He is ambitious. He has a real potential to change the world because his outlooks on the course of society are not very plausible. He is driven to change the society, to help people who are in similar conditions as his parents – hard-working people who don’t have money to spend on unnecessary material things. He wants to treat his country from poverty. He has the mind to do this – to write an extraordinary thesis where causes and consequences are brought together, they correlate and wants to the men in politics so they can work more efficiently. Some day he will be a great man.

He’s romantic. And I mean really romantic. He is the flower guy, the guy who speaks all the words the hopeless romantics want to hear: how beautiful you are, how amazing you are, how you are the best thing which might have happened to him, how all his past relationships had to fail so he could madly fall in love with you, just you, not anyone else. He makes you feel you are meant for each other regardless all the differences. How nothing could endanger and destroy what he feels for you.

He’s everything a woman can dream of.

But all coins have 2 sides. There are always pros and cons. Day and night. Agreements and quarrels.

He loves you more than you love him. He doesn’t cope well with being confronted about his behaviour. He’d physically and emotionally dependent on you. He needs to spend with you all his weekends. He wants you to speak more than you are capable of. He wants you to call him all the sweet names and you are perfectly OK with calling him darling and saying I love you. And you mean it. You never said, felt, or heard what he is saying, making you feel, what you hear. Never in your life. You were terrified you are losing yourself for him. You overcame this fear. You did so with the help of your mother. She said: ‘If you love someone, losing part of yourself is a great sacrifice, because you’ll get so much more. Don’t be afraid. I love you.’ She was right. But then, the worlds of your lover and you collided in a much more destroying way. He thinks your life dreams are unrealistic and wrong because a life spent travelling is not a life spent well. And you though he knew how much of a wanderer you are because you created a couple shortly after you 3 weeks of (almost solo) travels. He wants you to be realistic, even though you are pragmatic AF. You were the ration in the relationship. He was the emotion. He wants to change your very self to fit him more. To lose your sarcastic remarks, spending time alone, travelling alone, not feeling chatty or touchy some days. To love him more than you can. To show him love in ways which are uncomfortable to you. To make him the most important person in your life. To devote your life to him and think about future. But you live in the moment.

You are happy with him. You love him very much. You hurt him a lot. You are so confused.

Stay true to yourself and break it off or sacrifice yourself for his happiness?




Let me be really clear: I haven’t experienced the real „anxiety“, which people usually have before they go out with someone they fancy for the first time. I was nervous once, but in the end, they guy just texted: I was partying whole weekend. Do not have enough energy to give you my full attention. However, that’s completely different story.

Back to first date. I’m sure, you plan what to dress, how to impress one another, how to avoid the awkward small talk telling you nothing and get to real conversations which essentially tell you something about the one you are hopefully willing to kiss at your doorstep.

Should I pretend to be jollier than I really am? I am not a bubbly person. How do I prevent the silence or the cricket sound in the background?

I stand by the opinion that once you decided to devote your time and energy into the meeting, you should take from it all you can. Was he a complete snob? So what? You experienced it, didn’t like it and added to you secret list of thing you hate on the other sex. We all have the list of “I hate, I loathe, I love, I enjoy…”. Not necessarily the real written one, but at least the imaginary one.

I believe, first dates are big deal. They surely are. Feeling nervous, hands shaking, your vocal cords and tongue not willing to participate, et cetera, et cetera. I feel for the people going on dates. Oh, the sweetness of anticipation. Hope for the brand new relationship. Belief that this planet can still be a nice place to share a life with one another.

May all your first dates bring more light to the subject of who you are, who you want to become, and who you want to become that someone with.




Love just happened…

I’m happy and sad at the same moment. My good friend just agreed to try it out with the girl he wanted for some period of time. That’s nice that he was persistent. But the thing that bothers me the most is the most recent history. I do not care what she did or even who she did a couple of months. But on Saturday she made out as with him as with his good friend.

I am happy for him. That after 6 years of holding grudges and not wanting to commit and being refused by women just as he shared his bed with them, he finally did it and decided to do it. To be in a relationship. But why with her?

I’ve told him a couple of times already, that he has a poor choice of women. He argued they chose him and not the other way around. So why did he voluntarily chose a woman, who at first was willing to sacrifice a good and perspective relationship with HIM (trust me, he’d do anything for the woman of his choice) for 4 months of sex with Tavoy (her work and travel bouncer from the last summer)? This Tavoy guy must have been a really good lover because he was providing 4 more women with his services. And she knew it and she didn’t mind it and she wanted to do it again.

He is such amazing man! However, I do not think this relationship is a good idea, concerning his past with her friends. I just feel like I want to cry over his decision. I will support him, I even approve of his relationship, but I won’t be very happy about it. Even though I may feel like he’s making a mistake (just as I thought that the second time my sister started dating this guy who is now her fiancé), I am his friend and I was lucky enough to be the first one he told. I really appreciate and value him as a person, so I’ll cherish my relationship with him, no matter what.

Nevertheless, this just proved the everlasting and never-dying theory that in love anything is possible. Anything and everything can be forgiven and forgotten as soon as one is infatuated by someone. I am still startled and stunned by what can people do for those, who catch their romantic attention.

BUT! If she hurts him, I’ll hate the hell out of her!